Sex in Public

I'm a little out of touch with popular culture, hence the reason I was “reading” an issue of Rolling Stone from June of 2010. And honestly, I was a little shocked. Until this wake-up call, I thought the avalanche of writings about sexualized advertisements was overdone. “Surely we're moving beyond that now,” I thought. “Yes, you see the occasional over-sexed ad, but things are getting better!”

Turns out I was wrong.

Everywhere you turn, the magazine is selling you sex- and something else that you could actually buy. Orbit gum “unwraps” both itself and its blonde model. TV show ads display women lounging in tight, cleavage-bearing dresses. Midway through the magazine, there is a series of ads for Absolut Vodka, featuring famous women in various degrees of undress. The crowning achievement is the ad for “Absolut Crush”, where Kate Beckinsale dons a tiny gold loin cloth and large gold high heels, towering sexily above a flimsy-looking city.

"Perhaps Rolling Stone is still a boys club, just as much of the music it covers is," I thought. But upon further reflection, I realized that most TV shows, advertisements, movies, and even book covers show women as sex objects. Even magazines marketed to women demonstrate this trend. Women are the attention-getters, wearing make-up and the latest fashions (or not wearing them, as is often the case). And apparently, wanting nothing more than to attract men. What else do these women want? We don't know. And that's a lot of the problem.

Important questions are raised by thinking about women in advertisement, such as how airbrushing can effect a women's psyche, how skinny models should be, or whether they make women feel pressure to wear make-up. But the question it raises most in my mind is this: when is it OK? As a person whose beliefs often align with third wave feminism (you may have noticed), I believe that we should encourage women to express themselves. Yes, sometimes sexually. But sometimes it just feels forced or disrespectful. Degrading.

Sexuality can be very powerful, and there is obviously more than one reason to strut one's stuff. But where is the line drawn? When does expressing yourself become detrimental? There's no real way to answer this for everyone, of course, and no way to know when it becomes exploitative for the individual involved.

For me, personally, stripping down to sell something seems like the first thing to avoid. You are shedding your identity and losing control of your image to someone else's gain. Perhaps it's partially that you can't really sell sexuality- though many advertisers seem to think you can, or at least, can entwine the sexual and the material in people's minds. But this goes beyond advertising. Gratuitous sex and nudity in movies and TV can often generate enough buzz to boost viewership. Virtually all pop stars are sexualized to help sell records. Or perhaps it's become so common that it's expected of women in mainstream music.

The flip side of this is that sometimes, on a smaller scale, this is how women make a living. Is stripping OK? Depending upon circumstances, perhaps. As Kathleen Hanna sang: “I can sell my body if I wanna/God knows you've already sold your mind./I may sell my body for money sometimes/but you can't stop the fire that burns inside of me.” Indeed.

Many questions can be asked of a woman in any situation that might call this issue into question. What are the reasons? Do you enjoy what you're doing? Do you feel obligated? Is it for attention (a common accusation)? It can be hard to tease all of this apart. Do women feel sexual in one way because that's how they've been socialized? Or is their brand of sexuality merely a reaction to the status quo? Is it possible to truly show the world who you are in a culture of media bombardment? No wonder so many women have decided to keep sexuality out of public life. It is so much easier in so many ways.

Somehow, even though women's sexuality is always on display, women aren't supposed to want to be that way. Wearing a short skirt garners accusations. Women's motives are called into question. If you are a teacher or a mother, it's even worse. Why is our culture scared of sexuality? This makes me think that women who want to should definitely be showing off. Perhaps we should take on the question of when public sexuality is appropriate or damaging.

It seems to boil down to control. If you are expressing yourself how you want, when you want, for the reasons you want, then it is OK with me. If you feel coerced, obligated, or uncomfortable, then perhaps it isn't the right circumstance.

Women can be sexy and still be in control. I'll use the example of a friend of mine. She owns low-cut dresses and leather boots, but wears pants just as often as not. Her sole motivation is not to be seen as sexy, though she isn't afraid to be cast in that light. She doesn't conform to society's ideas about sexuality all the time, but isn't hesitant to pick conventional ideas that also match her own. Even though she is neither a supermodel-type nor obsessed about looks, more men speak of her beauty and attractiveness than almost any other woman I know. Why? She's confident. She projects her sexuality without needing attention. And perhaps most importantly, she's being who she is. Her sexuality is for no one but herself. And that, dear readers, is hot.