Sticks and Stones

That's so hetero.

That's often what I say after someone uses the phrase “that's so gay” to mean “that's so stupid.” A lot of really awesome folks do it, so I don't mean it as an insult, but rather as an attempt to illuminate how discriminatory language can be. We all get trapped in it. I remember discovering, at age 22 (!), that the word I previously thought to be “jip” was actually spelled “gyp”- derogatory slang for gypsy. I felt so terrible. How had I been using this word?

Language has power. It worms its way into our brains and stays there. We all say things that we probably shouldn't at some points in our lives, and that certainly doesn't make us bad people. But perhaps we should be more aware of the language we're subconsciously choosing and what the ramifications are.

Take language and gender. Some languages are obvious about gender divisions, making every noun either masculine or feminine. English doesn't go quite that far, but there are definitely gendered words. And sometimes, I'm not such a fan. For example, a man who has lots of sex is a “stud” or a “don Juan”; a woman who does the same thing gets called “slut” or “whore”. OK, sometimes men are called “man sluts”, but to my way of thinking, that's no improvement. Or consider a man who is showing weakness getting called a “pussy”. And speaking of pussy, did you know that the word “vagina” actually means “sheath”, as in a sheath for a sword? There has to be a better word, people.

We usually don't notice when this sort of language pops up in conversation. But after hearing such insults for years, women start to internalize them, just as we internalize the barrage of ads featuring impossibly perfect models. Fortunately, many feminists and sociologists have called out these visuals for how they affect a woman's psyche. Unfortunately, language is rarely thought of as a problem of the same magnitude, and in fact, those who remind us about language are thought of as overly PC or nit picky. It is pretty difficult to call out the word without sounding as though you are criticizing the speaker or their ideals. A friend of mine did this effectively by saying “I agree with the sentiment, if not the word choice.” That tended to start a conversation rather than alienating the speaker or getting herself branded a “humorless feminist.”

But why even bother bringing attention to it? Language can be indicative of a larger societal problem, so even though we don't usually process the intention behind words, they still reinforce the narrow mindedness they were born from. People can call women (and other marginalized folks) all sorts of subtle insults that masquerade as common parlance, meaning that no matter how much negativity is put behind those words, it is still socially acceptable to use them. I'm not just talking about men unintentionally disrespecting women. I'm always surprised to hear a woman calling another a “whore” because she is wearing a low-cut shirt or otherwise displaying that she may occasionally be in touch with her sexuality. I suppose that for some, “good” girls don't do things like that. But where's the in between?

Discriminatory language only serves to pit stereotype against stereotype. Rather than innocently use words that have an underlying divisiveness, we could consciously choose words that foster understanding and promote individuality and equality. It may be a small step, but it is a step nonetheless. And hopefully, when we change our language, our perceptions of what we're describing will subtly shift.

I'll leave you with a quote from a recent Savage Love. Thank you, Dan, for this perspective:

“You are a huge pussy, CTOAC- excuse me, sorry. Pussies are powerful; they can take a pummeling and spit out a brand new human being. What you are, CTOAC, is weak, vulnerable, easily manipulated, and far too sensitive for your own good.

What you are is a ball-sack.”

Film-inist

Anyone remember The Long Kiss Goodnight? For those who haven't seen it, the set-up is this: Geena Davis plays Samantha, a happy suburban teacher and mother with amnesia. She's been trying to figure out her former profession, but to no avail. As the movie unfolds, she slowly begins to remember her time as a CIA assassin. A typical action movie premise.

And, unfortunately for some feminists, it's a typical action movie execution, as well. Part of what jogs Samantha's awakening is some underwater torture- while she's wearing a see-through white dress, of course. She cuts her long red hair and dyes it blond to fully embrace her re-entry into spydom. She flashes men, smokes, talks fast and kills faster. In short, she's the quintessential male fantasy. But wait, even though she can overcome almost any obstacle, when it comes to ridding herself of her villainous ex, she's at a loss. She is totally incapable of picking him off just like everyone else, and it definitely isn't because she's having mixed feelings about it.

Some folks will think The Long Kiss Goodnight is a feminist movie, and to some degree, it is. But it follows an all-too-common pattern of female characters in mainstream action movies. Skinny, beautiful women in trendy clothing, but very little of it. Sweaty, wet, sexy eye candy. They can fight pretty good for girls, but when push really comes to shove, they need a little help from their male partner or lover.

Even though this archetype is annoying, it's heads above the old one: skinny, beautiful women in trendy clothes who get kidnapped and scream a lot and have to have their men come and save them. Action movies are obviously progressing. But how can they catch up to other genres which have been able to portray sexy and/or tough women as more than one-dimensional? (At this point, it's obligatory to mention that Geena Davis also starred in Thelma and Louise, widely recognized as an essential feminist film.) Granted, characters are usually secondary to the action in action movies. Go figure.

It doesn't have to be this way. Let's take the Kill Bill movies, for example. First, we'll set aside all the clumsy, caricatured portrayals of race, and forget about some of Tarantino's less-than-feminist moments in other films. That being said, the Bride is an action hero(ine) most women can live with. Yes, she's blond and thin, but this fact is acknowledged several times throughout the course of the movies. Yes, she stalls a bit before killing Bill, but she is always shown as a human who makes mistakes. It definitely uses elements of the female action hero stereotype, but it is progress. The film also touches briefly on a few feminist issues, such as rape and motherhood, so even though the movie is probably not attempting to be a feminist statement, it has had an impact. Here's one great example found online: “it was from that movie where i learnt that motherhood is actually a cool thing” and that there is “courage and passion in it.” Rock on.

Action movies really aren't the place to make feminist statements. And let's face it, women definitely don't have to be violent to be tough or admirable. But as long as action movies are being made, they could at least cast women in a more positive, less stereotypical light. Filmmakers, take note.